10 Is Happeningggg

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 Few days ago, a friend told me that my life was a movie - and if we're being honest, it truly is. 

There are some things that'll happen to me, and my first thought would be "which kind life be this".  Any other person would believe I was joking if I explained these scenarios to them. However, my friends are aware of the dramatic nature of my entire life. Every single day comes with its own shege. 

I was very hungry one night, so I went to get shawarma. As I was about to place my order and pay for it, a young man behind me was trying to get my attention but I obviously wasn't interested in holding a conversation. In the usual pattern of a man who doesn't understand the word NO, he kept pushing. After several failed attempts, I thought he left me alone, but the next thing he said was "Ashewo, shey na because I wan collect your number you dey form for person. Who you be sef. Ashewo"  

I started laughing immediately because I knew he had nothing else to say. Typical Nigerian man attitude - turn them down and they'll call you ashewo. I don't think you expect me to be hurt or angry because you're calling me ashewo. In 2023??? I've been hearing it since ages past and it doesn't move me anymore. If you don't allow the men at the market to touch you, they will call you ashewo. If you live alone, they will call you ashewo. If you refuse to give them your number, they will call you ashewo. If you wear shorts and a tank top outside, they will call you ashewo. If you are driving a car, they will call you ashewo. If you have your own business, they will call you ashewo. If you have a 9-5 job, they will call you ashewo. If your dress shows the tiniest bit of cleavage, they will call you ashewo. Infact, go ahead and wear something that covers your entire body, they will still call you ashewo. Even if you're minding your damn business, they will call you ashewo. UNPROVOKED. Nobody is exempted.

Anyways, that’s their business. 


Another morning while I was heading to work, I boarded a cab. Unbeknownst to me, I was about to be very late. We were along the expressway and the driver suddenly stopped by the roadside. Of course, my first thought was that the cab had developed a fault. Lol, I was only lying to myself. 

Apparently, this old man stopped us without warning because he wanted to “play bet”. Guys, there’s no way I would be able to explain this thing and you’d understand how hilarious it was. I was so annoyed because (1) I thought something had gone wrong with the vehicle. (2) We were on full speed on the expressway and he stopped abruptly. (3) He stopped us on a Tuesday morning when everybody was obviously rushing to their respective workplaces. (4) He stopped because he wanted to bet. BET !!!

If that is not a full blown gambling addiction, then I don’t know what it is. I was late to work because of this silly old man. Craziest thing that happened was that all the passengers had already paid him. We asked for our change so we’ll be able to take another cab as we were already late. This man refused o; he said we must wait until he’s done. 

My own case was even different, I had 700 Naira change with him - and you expected me to leave it? Stop playing. 


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