Boundaries - If you don’t have them, you will see!

-

 Hey. 

This newsletter is a re-up of an old issue that I wrote on the former platform before it was taken down. I felt the need to bring back this particular topic because it’s very important. 


Speaking From Experience - If You Don’t Have Personal Boundaries, You Will Sufferrrrrrrrrrrr.

A while back, I was catching up with an old acquaintance. We were talking about school, exams, work and new things that have been going on in our lives. Just as I expected, he came up with the “I want us to hang out soon and spend time together” line. Well, I politely turned down his offer. I wasn’t feeling up to it and to be honest, I just didn’t want to. 

Being the typical man that he was who wouldn’t take no for an answer, he went further to say, “It’s nothing special, I just want to see your face”. Again, I replied “I’m not interested”. I thought I had gotten him off my back, but he came back minutes later saying, “I only want us to spend time together, or are you scared that something is going to happen?”

At this point, I was infuriated. Why is it so hard for people to understand that NO is a very simple and straightforward answer? I replied again and told him to respect my decision. I wasn’t going to meet up with him or anyone else. After that, I stopped replying completely.

I could begin to recount a million and one experiences just like this. People refusing to understand the concept of boundaries, people who have also failed to understand that the word “NO” is a full sentence.

For example, at a social gathering sometime last year, a “friend” offered me Devil’s Lettuce and I declined “I don’t smoke”. After making that clear, I thought I would be left alone and not questioned any further, but this person asked, “why don’t you smoke?” and I said I have asthma, so I can’t smoke.

Any other person would’ve stopped pushing it down my throat (or so I thought) but this person wasn’t ready to let go. The next thing I heard was “I know a lot of people that have asthma and they still smoke”.

For the love of God, LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Respect boundaries, please!

If I offer my friend a shot of alcohol and she declines, who am I to force my alcoholism down her throat?

A NO is a simple NO. DON’T BE A GOAT. Respecting people’s choices and leaving them alone isn’t rocket science.

Reminds me of a time when I was at the mall, this guy walked up to me and asked for my number. I declined several times until he finally left me alone. As soon as I was done with my movie and food, I booked a ride back home. On getting to my gate, I stepped out of the car just for me to see that the guy who asked for my number had followed my ride to my house!

I was actually terrified, to say the least. This guy followed me from the mall all the way to my house, stood by the gate as I was about to enter and kept insisting that I give him my number. I was scared for my safety because this person already knew where I lived. For something that happened a long time ago, I still remember all the details vividly - down to what I was wearing.

It’s a scary world we live in, folks. All I’m saying is this: RESPECT PEOPLE’S BOUNDARIES.

Don’t be a silly goat. Have some sense.

Well, I sincerely hope that at least one or two people can learn something. Especially how to say NO. 
It can be quite difficult if you’ve always been a people pleaser (trust me, I know this) but you need to understand that if you don’t set boundaries, people will use how they want to use you without remorse. You’ll just go back to your house to cry alone because you can’t say no. 


If you keep telling someone no and they’re persistent, refer them to me. I know what to do👍🏼

Popular posts from this blog

Adulthood: The Place Where Streaks Go To Die

-
There's a way life will stress you, you will end all your streaks, cut your hair, or in my case - forget you're a writer. Moving out was step one in my “ I'm finally a big girl”  delusion. (Yay, independence!) Congratulations to me and only me, it wasn’t easy. By the time I sat down to calculate how much money I’ll need to furnish my space, I was in shock for almost an hour straight. Please don’t ask me about the price of curtains and mattresses because hot tears will roll down my cheeks! What on earth do you mean by I’m responsible for my wellbeing? When did that one start? How old am I?  I feel sad for my mom now, because I call that woman at the SLIGHTEST INCONVENIENCE.   “Hello mummy, how do I get to VI from Surulere?” “Hello mummy, I’m just coming back from work and there’s traffic everywhere” “Hello mummy, I don’t know what to eat this night” “Hello mummy, I’ve been having headache all day” I know she must be SICK of me (sorry not sorry😂) My friends are scattered ...
Read more

2024: The One Where I Chose Peace (And Better Glasses) - Life, Love, Lessons.

-
  Hey, It has been quite some time, hasn't it? I know I've been MIA for a good chunk of this year. Defended my final year project (which I got a big, fat A on btw), Graduation (this barbie is a graduate o, finally! Once again, Asuu is mad), and working multiple jobs... it's been A LOT. But hey, we're here, and looking forward to what's next.  Now, let's get into the good stuff.  This year really was something, to say the least. Starting off heavy, I severed ties with something that had been draining for a long while, which eventually became too cancerous. Sometimes, you realize that walking away is the strongest thing you can do.  On the flip side, I also rekindled my bond with my mom, and we've become close friends, sharing secrets (mostly doing amebo sha) and laughing over the silliest things. It has really been nice to have her in my corner. Now I have made her realize she's dealing with a proper adult, not that clueless 14-year-old version of me she...
Read more

Where Are You Running To?

-
Hey, it’s me again.  Oversharing on the internet so you don’t feel alone in your chaos. When did you become Usain Bolt? You’ve secretly turned into an emotional sprinter. The second something starts feeling deep or serious, you lace up your imaginary running shoes and vanish. And I get it. Life has dealt you heartbreaks, disappointments, betrayals, and random incidents that left dents on you. So now you guard yourself like a bouncer - nobody gets in no matter who they are. You call it “protecting your peace” but half the time it’s just fear in disguise. The fear of being seen, fear of being hurt again, fear that this will end like that other thing did. You probably don’t even notice how fast you run. That relationship? The moment there’s a disagreement, you’re already rehearsing your dramatic exit speech in the shower, when all it might actually need is one honest conversation (and maybe one deep breath) to work through it. (Lie that you’ve not done this before. Well, I have)...
Read more

I Am The Winner, Not Them

-
You know what nobody really talks about? The kind of depression that lets you function. The kind where you're showing up. You're getting dressed, taking pictures and posting highlights. You're laughing at jokes and being the friend people actually want around. You're being a good daughter, a good sister, a good partner, a good colleague. You're going to the gym and doing your skincare routine like clockwork. You're checking every box society says you're supposed to check. And somehow, nobody realizes you’re falling apart, not even you.  I’ve been there for months. I was functioning  so well that I almost convinced myself nothing was wrong. I'd wake up and go like I was on autopilot,  just moving through the day and performing a role I'd memorized too well. Get dressed. Show up. Do the work. Smile. And the weird part? It actually worked. Or so I thought  But inside, there was this black hole. A literal void that no amount of productivity, self care, r...
Read more