Do you hate women?
Today, I'm writing about something that's been on my mind. A man in FUOYE, Ekiti State, was raped by another man and people are talking about it. The perpetrator has since been arrested and taken into custody.
Of course, this brought about a lot of comments on social media. But, as I read through the comments and reactions, I couldn’t help but feel deep sadness and anger.
Why?
Because, time and time again, we've seen a vastly different response when the victim is a woman. The victim-blaming, the questioning of her character, the demands for evidence and justification - it's a sickening cycle that perpetuates a culture of rape and misogyny.
We've all seen it before. A woman comes forward, brave enough to share her story, and instead of support and belief, she's met with skepticism and hostility.
“What was she wearing?”
“Why was she there?”
“Why did she go alone?”
“Why didn’t she tell him to stop?”
“Why did she accept money from him?”
These questions are not just intrusive; they are a means to justify the unforgivable act committed against her. The questions are endless, and they shift the blame from the perpetrator to the victim.
A woman’s voice is often drowned out by doubt and disbelief. When a man is assaulted, the outcry is immediate and the response swift. Yet, when it’s a woman, she is forced to relive her trauma over and over, defending her truth against outrageous accusations. We are in a world where women are not believed, not supported, and not valued. A world where sexual violence is perpetuated, enabled, and excused.
This makes me sad and angry. And then, there are the comments that filled me with rage - "How could he rape a fellow man with the number of women in the school." This is suggesting that despite all the women available, he still chose to rape a man.
The implication is clear: women are somehow less deserving of justice, less worthy of belief, and less valuable than men. This shows how little value our society places on women's lives. This line of thinking is not only deeply misogynistic but also highlights a disturbing double standard.
So, I ask you - Do you hate women?
Do you hate us so much that you can't even begin to imagine the pain, the fear, and the trauma that we face every day?
Do you hate us so much that you'd rather blame us for the crimes committed against us?
Do you hate us so much that you'd rather blame us for the actions of someone else and try to justify it?
Do you hate us so much that you'd rather turn and look away when evil things are being done to us?
When a woman speaks out against sexual harassment, do you hate her so much that you'd rather discredit her and shame her instead of listening to her story?
When a woman is raped, do you hate her so much that you'd rather ask her what she was wearing and what she was doing alone with him instead of asking how you can support her?
When a woman is murdered by her husband, do you hate her so much that you'd rather say ‘she was asking for it' instead of saying 'this is a senseless tragedy' ?
When a woman is paid less for the same work, do you hate her so much that you'd rather justify it by saying 'she's not as qualified' instead of acknowledging the systemic inequality?
Do you hate women so much that you'd rather perpetuate a society that devalues and dehumanizes us?
Do you hate women?
I know that we need to do better. We need to create a world where women are believed, supported, and valued. A world where sexual violence is not tolerated, excused, or enabled.
My heart goes out to the victim of this recent assault, and to the millions of women who have suffered sexual violence.
It is hard. Trust me, I know.
I believe you, I support you, and I stand with you. The world needs to change how it views and responds to women when they come forward with their stories. We need to create a world where women are valued, believed, and supported.
Until next time,
Wamide 💕