Death, Like Taxes, Cannot be Avoided.

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Hey you,

I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately.

Okay, wait. Don’t close the page, this isn’t a gloomy newsletter and nobody’s funeral is being planned here. I've been thinking about the death of things that were once very much alive in our lives; friendships, seasons, jobs, places, routines, dreams and versions of ourselves.

The things that end without anyone necessarily dying. They sometimes just stop being. We talk a lot about beginnings, jobs, relationships, new chapters. We love a fresh start.

But endings? Not so much. We tend to treat them like failures.

Like if a friendship ends, someone must have done something terrible. If a career no longer feels right, you must have made the wrong choice. If you outgrow a dream, you start wondering whether you were ever serious about it in the first place.

Sometimes nothing went wrong, it just died.

There are things I used to care about deeply that I don’t care about anymore, there are people I once thought I would know forever who I no longer speak to and there are versions of myself I worked very hard to become who I wouldn’t recognise if I met them today. There are dreams I prayed for that I’m actually quite relieved didn’t happen (Thank God, honestly)

Because imagine getting everything you asked for at 19 and then having to live with 19-year-old you’s decisions forever. No, thank you.

Some things had to end because I had to become someone else.

Growth doesn't always add to you, it subtracts sometimes. You have to kill off the habit that keeps you stuck, the belief that tells you you're not capable, and especially the need to be liked by everyone. Sometimes you have to let a plan die and admit that the dream you were chasing belongs to an older version of you.

There is a certain kind of feeling that comes with outgrowing your own life. You can be excited about where you're going and still miss where you've been.

Finally, there’s something about September, October, November and December that makes everyone suddenly become a part-time philosopher. We start asking where the year went and doing a wrapped review of our lives.

We look at the goals we wrote down in January with the confidence of people who clearly had no idea what the year had planned for us and start thinking about what comes next.

And at the end of the day, you can become someone who would look back at all of it and say, I’m glad I got to be that person then. Not I wish I was still her. Just, I’m glad I got to be her.

Maybe growing up actually is allowing certain parts of you to die so there is room for something else to live.

May the last months of the year surprise us in all the best ways, and may we have the wisdom to know what to carry with us and what to leave in the grave.

Toodles. 💕

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