Small Deposits, Lifetime of Trust

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Hey you,

Every weekend, I go to the shop close to my house, buy my groceries and pay by transfer. And every weekend, nobody asks me to show the alert. No "wait let me confirm," no side-eye. I send it, pick up my things and go.

I realised how important that was, especially in a culture that loves to preach "smartness." Someone hands me food before the money is even confirmed, and I didn't get that overnight. It came from showing up every weekend, paying on time again and again, until I stopped being a customer they had to watch and became a regular they know.

People glorify cutting corners, overpromising, underdelivering and sneaking through loopholes. But there is an undeniable weight to having integrity in the small things.

That's the thing about trust, nobody gives it to you in one moment. It's built from small things you'd think are ordinary. Paying when you said you would. Showing up when you said you would. Doing what you said you'd do even when nobody would find out if you didn't. Each one looks too small to matter, but they stack up until one day, someone doesn't feel the need to check.

Those who know me personally already know I have a pretty non-negotiable rule in my life: I don't lie, so please don't lie to me. I know it can sound naive, but it's how I've chosen to live for years, and I'd choose it again.

It's as simple and as rigid as that, and it shows up in my friendships, relationships and everyday interactions. If I say I'll be there by 4:00 PM, I'm showing up at 3:55 PM. If I tell you I'll do something, consider it done. If I can't do it, I'll tell you upfront rather than give you a comfortable lie. If you say you'll call later, call. If you say you'll pay on Friday, do just that. If you can't, say so before Friday, not after.  Let your word be your bond. 

And yes, being straightforward makes you vulnerable, and people will tell you that living with an open hand gives others room to take advantage of you. Occasionally, someone will try. But here's how I look at it: when someone chooses to do that, it's entirely their loss, not mine. I don't have to remember which story I told to whom, and I never have to dodge anybody. Maybe they get away with a small lie or a lazy excuse, but they lose access to someone who would have stood by them through thick and thin. You don't lose when you act with integrity, you just filter out the people who don't deserve you.

Trust is paying the exact amount every weekend. It's keeping to time when you said you'd meet up. It's doing the right thing when no one is watching your screen to see if the transfer went through.

(This just randomly made me remember a time I went out to eat with someone who insisted on paying in cash so they could short the waiter by a few thousand naira, a very intentional and sinister act which I couldn't be more disgusted by. What's the point of cheating someone over that little?)

Those little moments compound over months and years into a reputation money can't buy. Live in a way that when your name comes up, nobody has to second-guess your motives or check the fine print.

Be the person whose alert nobody has to check.

Toodles. 💕


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